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My father, who has late stage Alzheimer's and is dependent on others to be moved in the home, grew up as a child of WWII in a death camp. Every day for much of the morning, my mom, also a displaced child in WWII, places my dad in front of CNN to watch the news, which lately is only the war in Ukraine. My father sits 3 feet from the tv and watches the bombing scenes and people fleeing. He cannot move himself away from the tv as he has had multiple strokes and engages sometimes with the people on tv as if he is present with them in the scene. Each day/hour sometimes we have to repeat to him that what he sees in not his past. That he is safe and it is not happening to him now. I tell her this makes his overall day agitated and fearful. My entire life, daily, I would hear something from my mom about her bad past in the war and the camps. And now, as I return home to help them, I am hearing the endless news, her stories, and feeling almost panic that he must endure this traumatizing news daily. There is nothing I can do. I love them dearly, but I wonder how I will feel "set free" as a second generation survivor of the war one day when I will no longer hear the reruns from my mom.

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My husband is the child of Holocaust survivors. He was raised to feel and live as if he also had experienced this. There are some habits that can never be erased. As an adult he joined a group for children of survivors, which helped him to deal with their realities and himself. I suggest the same for you. We had a good friend who was in multiple concentration camps during WWII. Her daughter did not know the stories. When we finally got her to go to a reunion of survivors, she was able to open up and be herself. It was a shock to her adult child, but she has a grandson and greatgrandchildren who have embraced her legacy. There are still many survivors who were children, like your parents. Get them involved with others who they can safely share with and relate to. Find a support group for yourself too. You need to love them but not share this life with them. It's too hard, and it doesn't help any of you.
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Oh my soul, how gut-wrenching. This poor man is being tortured. Sounds to me like the mother may have a touch of dementia herself. That she may not be able to connect the effect the news is having on him. Savvy or not, I think the idea to block such channels on the tv is an excellent idea. Yes, nice music or past enjoyable tv shows for dad. For mom, excellent idea to have someone record Mom's stories of WWWII. Pure gold. Each person deals w severe emotional pain in different ways. For some, it takes Mom's form where that she has been talking it out over a lifetime. Sadly though, what is cathartic for her is now torturing Dad. I also agree, (at least in USA) people have grown soft. They have no concept of living in the middle of conflict/war. Until I read these comments, I had never given thought to this issue. (which is huge) in connection with survivors who are encountering this added trauma when dementia/alz creeps upon their door.
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Off of PeggySue's answer - you can use Parental Controls on their remote and block CNN. So it'll be like it doesn't exist when they try to tune to it. Then maybe put up a list of other channels that they could go to. You mentioned your Dad likes music, on my cable there are music channels that will play basically any style of music. Not really much for the visual, but the music might help.
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Do they have a comedy channel available in their area?
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Sounds like a psychiatrist could walk them through the trauma to some sense of understanding (maybe, maybe not). I've worked with survivors, but I doubt that they ever really got over it....................I know, I couldn't. Maybe a patient Rabbi could consult? The Ukraine situation is VERY similar to Hitler's rampage across Europe, I think the TV news should be off limits, but that's just me.

Love can't fix trauma, so your job is just to love them..........please never forget how powerful it is in all the other ways it is given.
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Ask mom to play movies that your father can enjoy instead of the news.
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I'm sure you feel quite helpless in a situation where your parents continually watch on TV (and, of course, re-live in memory), the horrors of the past. I was born in 1941, in the US, but grew up hearing from many people about "the war"in both Europe and Japan...My father was a military officer who did not serve in combat, but in a chemical research lab. We personally knew several people who suffered much.

Your parents (and esp. your father) will always remember what he saw, heard and experienced as a child. Keeping him away from war movies will not make him forget. It will make YOU more comfortable.

APS can't help him and I'm not sure he's being "abused". I don't remember you saying much about HIS reaction. Sometime people who have survived horrible experiences have an odd tendency, a desire almost, to revisit the experience in their minds, sometimes over and over...as if they can imagine it with a better outcome, think of a better response or perhaps accept that it really did happen to them. Sometimes they don't talk about it. I don't know, but, for some, it seems a compulsion. That may be part of what drives your parents want to watch the films.

There are few people, now, that can share their experiences (except maybe residents of Ukraine). If you feel it is harming him mentally, aggravating his dementia, by all means try to give him something else to do or to watch.
But no matter what, you cannot make him forget! Movies or not, it will always be with him.
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Near the end of their lives it is normal to look back on your life, reviewing the events with the perspective of age and sorting out regrets, etc. Memories of childhood often come to the fore - they are the most deeply embedded in the brain, and we presume they are of happy safe times.
One part of PTSD is the repetition compulsion - putting yourself into a similar experience as the trauma, trying to control what happens and come to a different outcome - to master the situation where you were powerless and terrified.
Unfortunately for you, both of these mechanisms are active for both of your parents. The current war in Ukraine creates a 'perfect storm' of fear and pain.
Contact the VA, the nearest teaching hospital psychiatry program, hospice support groups, the local senior center, the state aging services department and ask for help for your parents, and for yourself in caring for them.
Sometimes aging parents listen to strangers better than to their own kids.
At one time in my area the local Jewish community groups provided training and resources for Holocaust survivors as they were aging, especially with dementia.
Thinking of all of you..this is heartbreaking.
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I am first generation of parents who immigrated during WW2 - who lost absolutely everything and spent time in the camps. My mother lived her entire life here in this country terrified that at any moment the war would be on her doorsteps and she would have to go through it all over again. I grew up hearing about the atrocities of the war. For her it never ended, especially since many of her family members were left behind never to reconnect. Fireworks and thunder terrified her because it reminded her being in bomb shelters with bombs falling. Being on a train was traumatic for her, since she had been transported on a train.

Towards the end of her life, with all her friends gone and unable to get out on her own, she spent hours in front of the tv. She watched the news channels so should would be 'informed' just in case. So she would know if there was a nuclear attack and she could do....what, she didn't know. But she would 'know'. She was always seeking out the news ...it was like she was feeding her addiction to feeling terrified. I ended putting child locks on the 24 hour news stations but leaving the local on since they only came on 2x a day. She could watch TTN (old movies), Hallmark channel, the music channels, etc.
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isabella4 Mar 2022
Thank you Annabelle for telling me your story. I hope you don't mind I answer generally to all through your post as I cannot figure out where to make a general response to all.
I understand where you are coming from. I know that my parents will never forget the horrific childhoods they had. It is heart breaking. And I feel honored that my parents have told me their truth. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to look into one's child's eyes and tell them their history. My mom does not repeat her stories over and over again to change the past in her mind. She told me when I was young it is so none of us can ever forget it, it is like a punishment to the world for putting her through it. It is not told in a way to try to make me as a better person. My father tells it to me in that way so I learn to understand all people, as he has also written a book. Being a narcissist, she always needs to be the one with the worst condition, the worst daily hardships, etc. It has gone on forever over any topic, not just her childhood or the war. She has become unbearable to people. It's not like it's become worse as she has aged, it has always been this way. The difficulty I have is that she and I are his lifeline as he is regressing back into the old language. She knows she has the power to make me leave and I have no way to stop it if she decides I may not be here with them. I can take the brunt of it, but I cannot NOT allow her to put on the war channels as it is in her home. I also think she does this to see my reaction. Yes, mostly, I realize I have been venting. Thank you everyone for responding. I have learned so much about others' compassion. Yes, sadly the horrific experiences for the Ukrainians are real. With the human brain becoming more and more advanced, one would think something so barbaric could not be even real. Sadly, if we never learn this, man will one day bring the end to us all. We all need to be gentle on this world.
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Why does she want your dad to watch this on the news knowing he has dementia and is unable to separate the news from his own reality? Does your mom also have dementia? Does she not understand how this is affecting your father? Can you TALK to her about turning off the news and maybe playing some soft music or watch some sporting events or programs about birds or gardening?
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why that station???? how about something funny!
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isabella4: By viewing this news channel day in and day out, they are merely feeding what could be deemed PTSD. Block such news channels. This is torturous for them.
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Isabella , I am going to share a story with you . I Lived on Cape Cod and would see a man goose stepping his way down to the docks to feed the ducks . One day he Knocked on my Door - He spoke to me in German . For some reason I could understand him . He asked me " Why I was wearing the cross ? " and I replied " it was my great Grand Mothers from Poland . " he then asked me " if I could go see his wife she was dying ? " and I said " Sure " So we walked me Over to his modest apartment and there was a 83 year Old lady crying . He left us alone and walked out . She cried for awhile and I watched her . Finally she said to me " Do you burn the star ? " and I said shook my head " No " That seemed to give her some comfort . I Looked around her apartment and there were all these postcards from Brazil . What I Figured were her sons . She seemed to calm down and stopped weeping . The Husband came home and thanked me and gave me some Life magazines on Stalin . When she first asked me " if I burnt the star ? " I got it immediately and Maybe Myself just being there Let her release herself from the pain and brought her peace . Compassion and empathy goes a Long way . Sometimes people just need to tell you they are in Pain and by Listening to their story you can help them release that pain . Listening is a Great gift .
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This is a PS to my earlier comments. I wonder if it would help if you asked your mother to let you record some of her experiences. Or better yet, perhaps a friend could make the recordings. If your mom knows her stories will survive her, it may give a sense of closure. Just a thought. These stories do have historical value.
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Ariadnee Mar 2022
Great reply. As far as the historical value, maybe she knew people that are in the history books-but didn't know it then?
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Haven't read through all the replies. Is it possible to switch over to old movies about WW2? Not the reality kind, but the musicals and comedies then. Like Sargent Bilko, or Fred Astaire tap dancing in the bowels of a navy ship, Elvis Presley crooning in German (forget the name of that movie) stuff like that as a transistion from what must be so traumatic for your parents, and totally inappropiate for them now given their own personal histories.
Parental controls are there for a reason.
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Oh no. You must find a way to change this situation.
My husband was a child in Warsaw during WW2. When he was middle aged he was eventually diagnosed with PTSD from the trauma he experienced as a child.
Fast forward to his late70s. He was in a rehab facility after some surgery. He had some dementia. The tv was turned to the History channel, and my husband watched it for hours, When I came to visit him the next day, he was in a terrible state of mind. The WW2 events were relived through the TV. It took him awhile to get past that horror he was exposed to. Of course, I tried my best to keep any war type programs away from him for the rest of his life. I would put programs on like Roy Rogers and benign programs from the better times in his life.
How savvy is your mother with the TV controls? Perhaps you can block some channels like CNN. Perhaps you could get her interested in turning on programs like cooking, gardening, house remodelling, I Love Lucy, etc.
I am so sorry for the suffering your parents experienced. The current news has all of us upset. My husband’s father was with the Polish Government in Exile in London during and after the war. When he said his good-byes to my 4 year old husband and his mother, they did not reunite for 9 years. My husband and his mother went through a lot of close calls and ultimately were in a displaced persons camp before they were able to get to England.
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BurntCaregiver Mar 2022
The father is in a wheelchair and can't change the channel himself. The mother doesn't have to be savvy with the tv controls.
Put on TV land or some other channel like that and take the remote in the other room.
That poor man I can't even imagine what it must be like to be a death camp survivor, have Alzheimer's and be forced to watch the war in Ukraine for hours at a time. The OP's mother needs to stop doing that because it is cruelty and psychological torture for the father.
I'm so sorry your husband suffered the terror of WWII Poland. Then reliving it in color by seeing it on the History Channel. That is terrible.
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I am a healthy 52 and even I cannot stand the news. I stopped watching the news on TV, reading the newspaper, and listening to the radio 2 yrs ago to save my sanity. I cannot imagine being placed in front of the TV for hours! (Unfortunately, that is what is happening in nursing homes too.)

Your post is more of venting than seeking advice from everyone here, so I will not offer an advice unsolicited. But I agree with those who said to switch the TV to something more helpful, such as a nature show or music.
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I've just read all the posts and responses, and am really disturbed at the "advice" from some who clearly don't have any idea of the horror inflicted on those who've experienced but survived the almost unbelievable events of war, of starvation, of confinement in homes, in concentration camps, or of spies amidst their mist who would "rat them out" for benefits from the dominant and controlling entities.

My Armenian GM only told us that her parents hid the children between large sacks of potatoes, but eventually the Turks figured that out and stuck swords into the potato sacks when they rampaged through villages. I NEVER saw my grandmother ever eat potatoes.

Do those of you who think that these kinds of memories can be dispelled , or worse yet, really believe that these kinds of experiences can be just vanquished in that the OP's parents are in abusive situations and need to dispel their memories ?

If you do, you're wrong. I see some of the regular posters fall into this trap, and think that they just might not understand how horrific the experience is. Perhaps you could benefit from reading more on the genocides. Forty Days at Musa Dagh is one, addressing the Armenian Genocide, which preceded the Jewish Genocide committed by the Nazis.

https://www.history.com/topics/world-war-i/armenian-genocide or

https://www.armenian-genocide.org/musa_dagh.html

I read a few pages of Forty Days before I was too overwhelmed to continue it. But for someone who thinks that involving APS, or "counseling" survivors is an option, it would be a good learning experience.

I think you need to really read some of the histories, such as the Diary of Anne Frank, or novels based on fact but with fictional characters (protecting those who really did experience the horrors). Calling APS or criticizing survivors is perhaps one of the worse things that someone can do. Flashbacks could occur, the individuals might think they're back in WWII. Minds can play strange and horrific tricks on survivors.

And for those who have fallen into this method of response, I'm not criticizing you directly, as you apparently (and fortunately) have no experience in these horrors, but w/o knowing more, it's delicate to recommend a course of action for a life changing (or ending) experience about which you have no real experience.

Just one comment on someone else who survived the camps. There was a woman in rehab when my mother was, a very well groomed woman, pleasant, but with an overall presentation of shyness, of withdrawal. She finished rehab, but returned before Mom was discharged, with a broken foot, and the look of terror in her eyes.

I was in the rehab facility when she was brought in the second time, and saw that look when I greeted her. I went back a week or so later and went to her room to visit. One of the staff just looked at me, holding back tears and shaking her head. She said the second event was just too much for this woman, and brought back too many memories. While she didn't divulge the source, I was sure it came from her family.

The woman had been in one of the camps during WWII, and had horrible memories of being confined. Although "confinement" wasn't an appropriate term for being in rehab, it brought back memories of a more heinous confinement decades earlier.

These are NOT the kinds of experience that can be dealt with by APS.
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Santalynn Mar 2022
You have done a tremendous service to all with your reply; not only do many of us have No Clue what past generations have gone through, endured, and far too many paid the Ultimate Price for, but our relative and very tenuous seeming 'peacetime' has made many of us 'soft', blythely uninformed about history/political trends, and outright pawns of misinformation and propaganda. This has made us not only more vulnerable to present day troubles but woefully unprepared to have empathy, to mobilize to fight atrocities, to help one another, to make sacrifices for The Common Good. Thank you for taking the time to share these stories, these examples, so that we may all become more aware and more willing to face reality with courage and commitment.
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Perhaps their doctor could give them a "prescription" to avoid the news? I know this may seem silly but please read my experience. It always helps to have reinforcement from a professional.

This is the effect the news has had on my husband, a retired AF vet. He loves history especially military and space history. I learned long ago that many negative issues we were dealing with was related to the books, movies and TV shows he enjoyed... mostly about world politics and wars (past or present). He had REM sleep disorder which meant he acted out his dreams, which often related to what his mind was exposed to during the day. When I finally learned to limit what he reads and watches, his sleep drastically improved over time.

As a Viet Nam vet, he never experienced actual war but he was in Communication dealing with a lot messages directly relating to it. Later he was in the Air Guard, then Active Reserve in Communication and Intelligence. He was activated at the end of Desert Storm but only actively served for one month on a stateside base. Whenever there is any breaking news, he expresses concern they will activate him again and he knows he would struggle because of his age and poor health. Our family has tried to reassure him over and over he would not have to go even if they called.

At his recent physical I asked our geriatrician if she would write an excuse for him to use if he is activated. She graciously wrote a statement saying he does not have the ability to serve in the military and contact her if they have questions. It is on official letterhead and I keep it on the refrigerator. I've seen him reading it and it seems to reassure him as he has not brought it up since.

There have been lots of discussion how the news can affect children and how to address various issues. Perhaps some of the suggestions to use with a child may be appropriate to try with someone declining cognitively. We all struggle at times knowing the difference between fake news and truth. This is enhanced for a person already struggling with what is reality or hallucinations and separating the past from the present.
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weather channel and radio with classical music and light news updates on the hour - mostly the weather. I am ok with the Local TV news - Once a day, like 5:00pm, Not right before bed, - is better than the catastrophizing talking heads on any of the cable news shows. Block them from your service if you have to. My elderly parents are similar to yours. They seem to feed off of the cable news shows and take everything they say as true. I have the classical music station playing all day, softly in their day room. There is a soothing voice that comes on every 15-30 minutes and gives the time, local weather and some minor traffic reports. I think its better than CD's or just the music, it has some anchoring in reality - the time, the weather, minor traffic reports - but None of the horror and catastrophe that is cable and now, the war in Ukraine news. Please intervene and get your mother to stop doing this. You will feel better when you don't hear the reruns of the war at every opportunity from your mother. The trauma she experienced is no doubt real, but reliving it is not healthy or productive. I have started saying, "Mom, I am sorry you had to go through that. But I can not take that information in anymore because it is damaging to me. Please stop." Sometimes I have to repeat, "Please stop." and then I leave the room if she continues and I say why I am leaving. I use "I am sorry you had to go through that." "I know that must have been terrible for you." "It wasn't fair that you had to go through that" Validating statements for her, but I do not let her go on and tell me horror stories. She still tries sometimes but she stops when I hold the boundary. I don't yell, or cry or just talk over her. (I had done all that in past and it didn't work or I felt bad.). I try to always say, "hearing that is damaging to me. " or "it hurts me." "I have to protect myself". So she at least hears, it not that I just don't care or I don't validate her, but I can not take it in anymore. It seems to work. Good luck.
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You can block certain channels so that they can not be turned on easily. Parental Control.
Block CNN and the other News Stations.
Is your mom aware of what she is doing to your dad? If so this is beyond cruel and borders on mental abuse.
IF she is not aware of what the effects of this I wonder about her cognitive abilities. Is she also experiencing some dementia or "mild cognitive impairment".
Can she care for him properly and safely?
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Abby2018 Mar 2022
Agreed...that was my first thought as I read through this post. To re-live horrific experiences in our lives channeled through news, movies, TV programming, etc. can only add to mental anguish. This poor man needs to be exposed to the pleasantries in life, not the constant reminders of hell on earth.
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I am not sure what to compare this to or what you should do . Your Mother takes some comfort in sharing the news with your Dad . Myself I have watched documentaries on Ukraine - Winter on Fire ( Netflix ) A French One on Dobass , Oliver Stones Ukraine and a interview yesterday . A lot of Jews were slaughtered in Ukraine and they had Nazi ties . the Images were disturbing to me . How ever I do think we Must remember what the Nazis did to the Jews and if Ukraine still has Nazi ties ? This Maybe why your Mom is Obsessed watching This news because it bring the holocaust right back to my Mind and the Warsaw ghetto and Now the Ukrainian people have to flee to Poland and the Polish are helping them . Many Polish were also killed by the Germans . Russia helped kill many Germans . Do some research , watch some documentaries and perhaps discuss with your mother what is happening presently in Ukraine . Genocide exists and that is what we are witnessing . Disney channel and National Geographic isn't going to fix this one . I would have a deep discussion with your Mother about what happened to her and find out if her Husband being near death is haunting her ? She Maybe suffering with the her husband having Alzheimers and it is Like hell and having that TV on she is also watching hell on Earth . If they are religious being in some religious artifacts like angels and have some rose Plants around or orchids blooming so she remembers the beauty of life . She is reliving her past .
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GardenArtist Mar 2022
Knance, you wrote:

" I would have a deep discussion with your Mother about what happened to her and find out if her Husband being near death is haunting her ?"

Are you serious? Do you have any idea how traumatic this would be?
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How torturous! Turn it off!! You can use the remote for parental control of channels.I would control all news stations.
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Stop sitting him in front of CNN or any traumatic news shows or movies. That is forcing him to be tortured over and over again. Turn on quiet, relaxing music that he enjoys. Let him live his last days in peace, not experiencing an awful past all over again. You can’t erase the past, but you can prevent having him relive it.
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CNN is a propaganda machine for one thing! The last place they should be getting their “news”! That is very odd behavior indeed. There is no needs for an older person with Alzheimer’s to see these kinds of scenes. Sometimes you can put parental controls on TVs. Is there a way you could do that with your parents tv so they couldn’t access certain channels and then not be doing this all the time?
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purrna2go Mar 2022
If mockery & denial is your mechanism for dealing with all the agony and suffering and injustice in Ukraine, well so be it. The inappropriate political comment about CNN has nothing to do with this problem, although you did suggest as an afterthought that parental controls be employed.
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I'm a 70 year old first generation American. I grew up in the shadow and reverberation of that era as well. Wonder what life would've been like if I had been raised by parents that hadn't had the experience of hidding, starving, laying in cold mud, constant fear, etc.

I am not well versed on electronic things but don't all TV's have a parental control feature?
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Sounds like they both have PTSD from WWII, I never watch the news for any reason even before Ukraine.

Id have all News channels removed from cable and let them know thankfully, no news today! All is well 😁
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Please nothing on CNN is real or the truth. CNN is simply a propaganda arm of the democrat party used to for political agendas.
You dad would most likely love some of the NATGO National Geographic special videos of awesome places around the world, as here at home.
Almost anything else would less depressing.
My dad fought in WWII and he refused any news except talk radio, and it's only gotten worse.
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Layne7 Mar 2022
This is an inappropriate and unhelpful reply. Let’s keep politics out of it- this is not the place.
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Change the channel
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I was born in the 1970's and I feel traumatized by seeing what is going on in Ukraine.
Your father having survived a Nazi death camp, I can't even imagine. Your father also having late-stage Alzheimer's makes seeing such images torture. He should not ever be seeing one second of what's going in in Ukraine. You make no mention of your mother having any kind of dementia. If she doesn't then she needs to be told that putting a person with Alzheimer's in front of the tv to watch what's going on in Ukraine is cruel. To do it to a WWII death camp survivor is actual torture. Psychological torture. It is also elder abuse. There is something you can do. That something is to make her understand that what she is doing to your father is elder abuse and because of his history is also torture. That either she stops putting your elderly death-camp survivor father with Alzheimer's in front of the tv to watch the war, or you will call APS and report her.
I think your mother could well benefit from being put in touch with a support group for people who have been displaced by war and who have survived torture. There are groups like this. We have one in my city that was started by two Kurdish women who are survivors. Your mother needs to be able talk to other survivors about what her experience was and to share that experience with others who can understand. Sharing it with your father now is cruelty because of his Alzheimer's. I wish you peace and hope you can get your mom to a support group.
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GardenArtist Mar 2022
BurntCaregiver, I see your points about abuse, but in this case I don't think it is, nor would threatening to call APS - that could be the worse thing to say to someone who survived a death camp. It could trigger worse memories for both the OP's mother and father. They could segue back and think that they're back in WWII all over again.
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